Rocks and Coffee Shops
by Nishikikouji
Summary: When a weird girl throws a rock at Loki, she meets our handy-dandy, favorite superteam. But who would expect her to run into the famous Tony Stark at a local coffee shop weeks later? She didn't. Or really want to. Tony is bored, though, and wants someone to rant to, and she wants free coffee. Big Brother Tony, bits of Bruce/Darcy, Stony, and Clintasha. No OC romance. T in case.
1. Loki's a prat and Nat gets it

**Chapter 1: In which Loki is a prat and Natasha gets it**

_Disclaimer_:

I do not own the Avengers. I own nothing. Except maybe this story. But quite frankly, unless this makes me billions of dollars, I'd rather have the Avengers.

_Clint: "I bloody well hope you never do own us, or we're all screwed…"_

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Loki was back (dramatic music, please). He'd escaped whatever Asgardian prison they'd stuck him in, and was baying for revenge.

Literally. He'd brought an army of, not Chitauri, but alien-robotic-wolf things. With giant antlers. And scales.

"What the hell are these things?" Clint cried, shooting an explosive arrow at one. True to its name, it exploded upon contact, spraying wolf-guts everywhere. _Smelly_ wolf-guts. The archer shuddered and tired to no avail to wipe it off.

"They are Bilgesnipes, my friend! Worthy foes, but perhaps a little disgusting to battle." Thor replied, spinning his hammer around like a helicopter. Watching him rise, Clint made a mental note to ask Tony if the genius could tamper with his bow so it would do that.

"Whatever they're called, we need to get them out of the way and find Loki." Natasha reprimanded. "He's the one controlling them, right?"

"No need, my dear Widow." She was interrupted by a smooth voice: Loki. He was standing victoriously on a rather charred Stark Tower, surrounded by rubble.

"You! Why does _every_ bad guy have it in for my tower?" Tony moaned. "First you, then Doom, then that prissy-boy in tights, and _then_ that-"

"No offense, Stark, but it is both ostentatious and hideous. Destroying it has many benefits for the people at large, not just us," Loki replied, showing a razor-sharp grin. Tony could see it because the god had chosen to teleport – _right_ in front of Iron Man.

"Dude! Ever heard of personal space?" Tony yelped, leaping back.

"My… apologies… if I am _unaware_ of local customs. I would think that you would be more worried about my army of Bilgesnipes laying waste to your city than my proximity, though."

"What army?'

Loki looked at him as if he were crazy. And then he looked around.

There were Bilgesnipes, yes… but they were all dead. The Avengers stood around, looking proud (and a bit smelly).

Loki blinked, but recovered quickly. "I am not so easily defeated! I have grown stronger since we last fought. Face me, and prepare to fall, weak as you are!"

"Oh yeah? Well, face this!" And Iron Man blasted his repulsors straight at Loki's face… Loki barely flinched.

"Shit."

Just then, a rock hit Loki in the shoulder.

"_Oi_! You _prat_!" The Norse god spun around.

"Yes, _you_!" He identified the speaker: a young girl marching… straight at him.

"The hell do you think you're doing?" They all got a closer look at her.

The girl herself was average. Not short, not tall. Slightly thicker than was considered attractive. Dark-ish brown, thick hair went a few inches past her shoulders, and under too-long bangs, olive green eyes glared. She might have been 14 or 15.

Her accessories were slightly unusual, though. Bracelets marched up her arms, almost to her elbow, covering her sleeves. They were varied, too: rubber bracelets proclaiming band names, silver charm bracelets, antique-ish gold bracelets, duct tape homemade bracelets; you name it.

"Excuse me?" Loki asked, bemused.

"The _hell_ do you _think _you're _doing_?" She was pissed. "You waltz in here, _again,_ and beat up _my city_, _again_! You already lost! Stop throwing temper tantrums and _get on with your life_!"

Inside the suit, Tony was biting his lip hard, trying not to laugh. Steve was biting his too, but for a different reason. He moved quickly next to her, shield raised to protect. The girl gave him a glare worthy of… someone who was very good at glaring.

"You tiny mortal! Who do you think you are, to speak to me this way?!"

"Oh, so just because I'm _human_, and I don't have _superpowers_, I'm nobody? I'm _less_ than a _little boy_ who can't get over his daddy issues? _Okay_, I'm _sorry_ that you and father and brother don't get along, but blowing up cities _isn't gonna help_!" She stood on her tiptoes and shoved a finger in his face.

Loki's attention was focused solely on this girl now. "You will regret this, child!" He lifted his staff – and fell down, unconscious. Natasha was sticking two needles, one in each hand, into the god's neck.

"Oh, good." the assassin said, as if commenting on the weather. "It worked. R&D weren't sure it would on a god."

"_Thank you_!" The girl rolled her eyes dramatically. "_Somebody_ finally got it! I mean, _jeez,_ you people are _slow_!"

The collective Avengers stared at her. "Um, no offense, miss, but who _are_ you?" Steve asked.

She blinked, then gave them a gigantic smile. "Nobody." She curtsied dramatically and started to walk away. Thor caught up with her and put a hand on her shoulder.

"My lady, we simply wish to thank you! You distracted my brother and saved many people who-"

Thor would have continued, but he noticed the pointed look aimed at his hand. He removed it.

"Listen, kid. Just tell us your name, 'kay?" Iron Man's robotic voice asked.

She smiled warmly and said, "I'm Jane Doe. I – hey, is that Bilge Sniper thing over there still alive?" The Avengers all turned around. She was telling the truth: one of the larger Bilgesnipes was getting up, growling and shaking itself off. Thor's eyes widened as it leapt for the targets that seemes least dangerous: Natasha and Clint. He, Tony, and Steve automatically attacked, and by the time the gargantuan beast was down, the girl was gone.

"That child has the same name as my lady!" Thor boomed. "Perhaps they are acquainted?"

"No, Thor." Clint sighed. "_No one_ is named Jane Doe."

"Why?"

"It's a name police use when they don't know the name of a dead woman." Tony tried, and failed, to explain, already distracted, searching the ground for any alien tech at the same time he was assuring Pepper over the comm. that he was fine.

Thor was aghast. "She is dead?"

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Later, when Natasha tried to find out who the girl was, she discovered that there were _way_ too many 14-year-old girls with brown hair and green eyes on S.H.I.E.L.D. databases.

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_**A/N **_

_Thanks all for reading :) I'm trying to redo this story a little – it was already up here, but I wasn't too pleased with it. _

_Have a lovely day, and remember: People who don't review are orange crème._

_No, I don't know what that means._


	2. Tony's a pedo and orange creme

**Chapter 2: In Which there are pedophiles and orange crème**

Disclaimer: *laughs hard* Do I look like Whedon to you?

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A month passed, during which Loki was brought back to Asgard and the green-eyed girl was nearly forgotten.

Cue Tony Stark.

It was a chilly, Thursday November morning, and Tony wanted coffee. Well, he always wanted coffee, but he _really_ wanted some right now.

Unfortunately, he couldn't just make some, because that would require being in the Tower, and then Pepper would find him (JARVIS was such a snitch), then Pepper would make him go to the S.H.I.E.L.D. debriefing. With all the Avengers. And Fury. Of which all of whom he very did not much want to see.

So Tony Stark had run away.

Well, driven. In a gorgeous, brand new sports car that stuck out like a lady's manicured thumb in a pile of men who hadn't showered in months.

Tony was very proud of that metaphor.

But he wanted coffee. Which means… he had to go into a _shop_.

So he located the nearest coffee shop (a privately owned, comfy little one) and walked in; shades on, suit smart.

He ordered the item with the most caffeine – a tall, quadruple shot espresso. With caramel, for good measure. He sipped it, found it amazing, said so, and turned to leave.

And saw someone rather familiar, typing away rapidly on a beat-up old Apple, at a table with two huge, plush armchairs right next to the fireplace. He stared at her for a second, mind racing, when it clicked.

Tony made a split-second decision and slid into the empty armchair across from her.

"You're that one girl, who threw that rock at Loki!" he said.

"Not your best pickup line, Mr. Stark," the girl said dryly, not even looking up from her screen.

Really, though, it was a surprise that he even recognized her. Last time, her most distinctive feature had been her bracelets. Now, she was nearly completely blue.

Deep blue jeans with electric-blue chucks, blue stars dangling from her ears, blue ear-cuffs, blue-ribbon choker, blue musical note pendant hanging from a blue chain (they made those?), midnight blue long sleeve t-shirt, blue fingerless gloves under her sleeves, blue infinity scarf, blue eye shadow. It _was_ a rather odd look, and not entirely attractive, but you couldn't help but notice it. Tony figured that was the point.

"I don't know, I've heard worse. I've used worse. And please, call me Tony. Mr. Stark makes me feel old," Tony said, intrigued. "What's your name? I mean, you _have_ to have a _name_, right?"

"Two for two, Mr- Tony. Can he make it a third time?"

"It's not Jane Doe. Thanks for that, by the way. I had to spend two hours explaining to Thor that you weren't dead. So – is it Abby? I like Abby. Abby's a nice name. Had a one night stand with a girl named Abby once. She turned out to be a guy, though."

The girl blinked, then recovered. "Oooh, sorry... wrong. Looks like you don't win a prize…"

"_Dammit_! I think two out of three's not bad! What would I have won?"

"A chance to buy me a coffee." She shook her empty cup. "I'm a regular here, so I don't _think_ they'd mind, but I don't like sitting here if I'm not drinking anything."

"That's a crappy prize."

"Not for a pedophile like you."

"I'm not a _pedophile_!"

"Of _course_. Normal old men _regularly_ sit next to and bug young girls who they barely know."

"I'm not old!"

"You're, like, 70."

"No, I'm_ not_!"

"80?"

"I'm_ 41_!"

"I was close."

"_No_, you _weren't_."

"Yup. Where's my coffee?"

"I thought I lost."

"You did. You're also rich. I'm not. Where's my coffee?"

"What do you want?"

"Whatever you have."

"Darlin', this has _way_ too caffeine for you."

"I ate _ground coffee_ once because I didn't have time to make a pot. Don't tell me that it has too much caffeine."

"Whatever…" Tony got up and bought another. Setting it down in front of her, he plumped down in the seat again.

"Don't you have somewhere to be?" she asked, sipping it.

"Rude. That was rude. And I even bought you coffee!"

"So?"

"Yes. A meeting. But I don't want to go."

"Ah. Can't you bug someone else?"

"No. What're you doing?"

"Homework."

"Oh. Hey! Shouldn't you be in school right now?"

"I am."

"You have school in a café? I am so jealous."

"I'm homeschooled. It's more… comfortable here."

"You're café-schooled."

"I don't think that's a word."

"It is now."

"Mmm. I s'pose it's more interesting. Sure. I'm café-schooled. And you're a pedophile."

"I thought we agreed that I wasn't!"

"When did we do that?"

"Just now."

The woman behind the counter waved as she got ready to leave. "Bye, Nina!"

"Bye, Sarah. See you tomorrow!" The girl Tony was talking to waved back as the waitress left.

"Ha!"

"Ha what?"

"_Ha_, your name is Nina!"

"Orange crème."

"I'm sorry?"

"Ah, never mind. And my full name's actually Janina.

"Ya-nee-nah?" Tony pronounced.

"Yup. Like I said, I'm here a lot, so all the workers know me pretty well."

"Hey, why don't you have Starktech?" Tony, changing the subject as he was wont to do, gestured toward her Apple.

"Pft. Like I could afford that. I had to save up for months, and do like a thousand hours of odd jobs just to afford _this_ shitty thing."

"You had-"

"Hey, you said you had a meeting you didn't want to go to, right?"

"I believe I may have mentioned that, yes."

"Well, there's a really buff blonde guy outside who strangely resembles Captain America."

"What?"

"He's looking at your car – and now at the café."

"_Fuck_!"

"Here," Nina thought fast. "Hide behind my chair – it's big enough that no one'll see you."

Tony jumped up (grabbing his half-finished coffee) and hid. Just in time, too, because maybe-Steve-Rogers walked in at that exact second.

Maybe-Steve looked around, his eyes falling on Nina. His face lit up with recognition and he walked over to her table.

"You're that one girl, who threw-"

"The rock at Loki. Apparently, that's all I'll ever be known for. I'm Janina Adams," (Tony pouted, unseen, as she gave up her name so easily to Steve), "And _you _must be Captain America." It took everything Nina had not to salivate. Those muscles…

"Just Steve Rogers, ma'am." And so polite! Nina felt a sudden pang of envy directed at whatever girl (or guy) was lucky enough to have him. "Have you seen Tony Stark?"

"Me? Nah. What're the chances I'd meet two Avengers in the same day? Besides, wouldn't there be a mob of paparazzi following him?"

"I don't know. But I am fairly sure that's his car out there…" Steve nodded towards the out-of-place sports car parked between a minivan and a junker.

"Well, that could be a lot of people's car. Person's car? Peoples's car? Whatever. Could be anyone's."

"Only Tony would drive something so _ostentatious _to a _café._"

"I take offense at that!" Tony cried, popping his head over the seat.

"You _idiot_!" Nina dropped her head into her hands.

"Whoops…" Tony winced.

"You were supposed to be at the meeting _three hours_ ago!"

"Couldn't you have just started _without_ me?"

"No, because this meeting _is about you_!"

"Me? Aw, I'm touched!"

Nina's mouth was twitching upwards. They were kinda adorable together. Steve was rapidly becoming exasperated – not annoyed, like most people would be. Tony was grinning.

"You _shouldn't_ be. It's about PR – which is _not helped_ by you getting _stone-dead drunk_ on Halloween night and hitting on _anything_ and _everything_ you see!"

"Not _everything_!"

"You asked out a _squirrel_, for god's sake!"

"She was pretty!"

Nina was shaking with the effort to contain her giggles.

"You are _coming with me_!" Steve grabbed Tony and literally began to drag him out of the store. "Thank you, miss," the captain added to Nina.

"Byeee, Nina!" Tony called.

She threw her empty coffee cup at him, hitting him in the face.

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_**A/N**_

_Fanks dearies, and remember: Santa brings presents to reviewers :)_


	3. Background and Tony doesn't totally suck

**Chapter 3: In which there is a bit of background and Tony doesn't totally suck **

_Disclaimer_: I don't own anything. Please don't sue me…

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Nina flew through the apartment, filling the dishwasher, pulling out the last load of laundry, making the beds, going over the kitchen table with a rag, and sweeping the floor from her latest cooking failure. She wondered of she should pick up her and Isabella's room real quick, but when she saw the huge pile of dirty clothes and towels, moldy dishes, and wrappers on Isabella's carefully defined side, she decided to wait. She really didn't have the energy right now.

Deciding her work was done, Nina left a quickly scribbled note on the counter for her mom: the usual. She wasn't even sure why she still had to: her mom never got home until ten at night anyway, and Nina was almost always at the shop, at home, or next door babystitting the wolves – er, Wolfes.

Lewis and Susan Wolfe were Nina's next door neighbors, both of whom worked full time, and both perfectly nice people.

Their three children were another matter.

Nina was convinced Derrick, Adrian, and Emma Wolfe were a pack of demons. Derrick was ten and the ringleader, Adrian and Emma the seven-year-old twins who managed to deal four times the destruction as one kid.  
Still, Susan always tipped Nina _really_ well, and coffee money had to come from _somewhere_.

Grabbing her bag and about ten bucks, she dashed out the door. As she passed the Wolfe's door, Derrick stuck his head out the door. The dark-haired, blue eyed boy dripped charm and trouble as he grinned.

"Miss Nina!" he cried, and Nina stopped.

"What's with the miss, kid?" she asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

"I just wanted to tell you, we're staying at our grandma's for like a month!" he said cheerfully. "You won't have to 'sit us for a long time."

Nina rolled her eyes. "I know. Your parents told me. Have fun."

"Don't worry. We will." Derrick laughed, and went back inside. Nina felt very sorry for the grandmother.

Shaking her head, she left the building and began to walk to the shop. It was only about four blocks through an okay neighborhood, and Nina figured the exercise was good for her.

While walking, she let her mind wander. It landed and latched straight on her mother.

Gwen Adams was an okay mother, but the stress of the divorce, her recently ex-husband _dying_ of a terminal illness, and being stuck with two teenage daughters had taken its toll on her, and she sometimes reverted to alcohol.

It especially hurt, when Nina saw her on her days off; hair prematurely gray, an exhausted look about her frame, trying desperately to hide it from her chidren.

Nina wished she could do something sometimes, but she hardly ever even saw Gwen. Besides, Nina was a great listener, but actually _talking _to her mother was entirely different.

And, of course, there was Isabella. Seventeen years old and with a deep-seated hatred of her life – tiny apartment, overprotective mother, weird and home-schooled sister – Isabella never really fit in. She, like Gwen, was almost never home. Often going to concerts, staying with friends, out with her boyfriend, Gwen was constantly worried. But Isabella was planning on moving out as soon as she was able and attending Madison-Wisconsin University for zoology.

Nina nearly ran into the café door, but caught herself just in time. She greeted Hope, who was manning the station, and lugged her bag and newly-bought coffee to her usual table.

One seat was occupied.

_Orange crème!_ she thought. _Usually no one's here, so I get that spot._ It was the most comfortable, though, and she could see someone else wanting it. She picked out another empty table and began walking towards it when a voice called her back.

"Nina!"

She spun around, recognizing it.

"Damn, damn, dammit!" she chanted.

"Ouch! Am I really that bad?" asked Tony Stark, a wounded expression on his face..

"Yes."

"Please sit down!" he begged.

"Why…?"

"Because… there's an empty seat?"

"Gah!" But she did so. "Why are you here?"

"Because I like it here, I like you, and it's quiet enough to get work done."

"You have work?"

"Yes, I have work! I own a company!"

"Kind of… doesn't your girlfriend do that?"

"That's not the point."

"Mmm. So. You like me?"

"You're not as cool as me, but you're more interesting than _some_."

"Oh. Thanks, I think. Well, sit there if you want," she said with a huge sigh, as if she were giving up something terrible, "but I have class." Nina pulled out earbuds that were so covered in mismatched duct tape they could hardly bend and put them in. "You have to be quiet for an hour."

"So how does this café-schooling work?" Tony asked curiously.

"My teacher will give a lecture. I will listen and take notes. Then she will assign homework. I will do it. I will e-mail it to her. You will do your work. Silently." She pointed at his StarkTech thing (she didn't know what it was called, and didn't want to ask – she'd probably die of jealousy).

At first, Nina would occasionally glance up out of the corner of her eye to see

Tony tapping away on his StarkThing. She was a little edgy, having him there, but soon she got used to his presence and actually tried to pay attention during class.

(It was hard, though. Geometry wasn't her best subject. She tried to take notes, but…)

Tony tried not to stare at her. He didn't want anyone thinking he was a creeper, after all.

Nina was still dressed eccentrically. She wore a full-length red cotton skirt with a pair of fur-lined winter boots. Her shirt was white and lacy, with long sleeves and finger cuffs. There was a cheerful red flower barrette in her hair, which had been pulled back into a French braid. A bright red piece of ribbon that matched the skirt had been tied around her neck like a choker. Red earrings dangled from her ears, and she had three our four rings with red stones. Red eyeshadow completed the look. She stood out, and Tony had a feeling that this was the point.

He noticed that she would occasionally glance up at him, eyes slightly narrowed, as if she didn't quite trust him. He supposed it was a rather odd situation, but Tony Stark had never really cared how most other people thought of him.

Besides, she was interesting, and here was a place where there was no Pepper to bug him about meetings, no Fury to piss him off (something about that man just automatically annoyed him. His only consolation was that Tony was pretty sure he did the same to Fury), and no paparazzi or creepy fans to follow him.

And the coffee was really good.

When Nina finally took out her earbuds, she noticed that Tony was gone. In his place was a still hot cup of coffee with a smiley face on it.

Nina shrugged. She was never a girl to turn down free coffee.

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_**A/N**_

_Augh! Writing Tony is so hard… :( Literally. I keep typing 'Tiny'._

_I'll try to put in more of our favorite genius billionaire playboy philanthropist next time – I just figured if I was writing an OC I wanted to do it correctly and give her an actual life._

_Fanks all darlings for reading and you KNOW you want to review!_


	4. Months pass and a straw is thrown

**Chapter 4: In Which months pass and straws are thrown**

_Disclaimer:_ Why do you think I own Avengers? Seriously, because if writing fanfic on the internet makes you think I own a multi-billion dollar making movie, then my dear, you have some issues.

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_Time has this really weird tendency to pass very quickly sometimes_, Nina thought to herself, looking out the café window at the green trees and spring clothing._ Like, I could have sworn it was November yesterday, and now it's April… Not that I mind, or anything. I live for summer – and it's almost here!_

She yawned, stretching, right in the middle of another one of Tony's monologues. The genius glared, mock-hurt.

"I'm sorry, am I boring you?" he asked icily.

Nina shrugged, apologetic as he was hurt. "Sorry, but I tend to zone out when you start going all sciencey way beyond my reading level."

"No, no, it's actually really simple! See, first I-" he continued earnestly, and Nina fought off an indulgent smile. He was kinda adorable when he got to talking.

It had taken a while for Tony to really open up, she supposed, but he had always had this ability to go on and on.

_I s'pose it's my fault, too, _she thought. _I didn't exactly discourage him. Still, I can hardly help being good at listening to people._

And listening to Tony Stark seemed to have become her job. At least she got paid – in free coffee, at least, as well as help with her geometry and physical science homework. The second time he had come in, months after the first, she had been genuinely surprised to see him and that he'd remembered her. She figured that was it, and good job, she got a coffee out of it along the way.

But then he'd come again a week later, demanding to know where she'd been – he had shown up twice and Nina hadn't been at her usual table.

She had blinked, confused, and told him to shut up because she was in the middle of a lecture.

Tony became a regular customer at the café. He showed up random mornings, when he was overworked, hadn't gotten much sleep, running away, etc. and began to greet the workers by name. His visits were erratic, sometimes not coming for weeks, and then five mornings in a row. Sometimes he was even called away on Avengers business while there. When he did come, he always sat by Nina if she was there, and always paid for her coffee. Of course, Nina wasn't always there either, but for less world-saving related business.

At first, the man would dress in suits and carry along a strange red briefcase he never seemed to open, but after a while she noticed he seemed to become more comfortable in ratty old band t-shirts and oil stained jeans. She hadn't seen the briefcase in a month or so, though she had a really good guess as to what it actually was. She never dressed less colorfully, however. When he asked why, she simply said it was more fun that way.

While Nina typed away, in the middle of geometry lessons, or sometimes just surfing the internet (or, as Tony began to suspect, writing), the billionaire would pull out his StarkWhatever and catch up on work, design new stuff, or play 2048. (When Nina expressed concern over the fact that Tony had become obsessed with the game, he waved it off, saying, "Sweetheart, this is _not_ my worst obsession." Needless to say, it was not reassuring. She threw a napkin at him.)

He also ranted to her a lot. He found that, when she wasn't sarcastic or ignoring him, she was a fairly good listener and offered sound advice (when she understood the problem. When he was talking about 'sciencey crap way beyond my reading level', she was lost. But even then, it often helped to bounce ideas off her.) Tony didn't seem to realize that most of his rants were about Pepper, Fury, or various members of the Avengers Initiative, ("Nina, Pepper makes me go to all these boring business meetings!" "Nina, Rhodey is so boring, he won't drag race the Iron Patriot with me!" "Nina, Natasha threw her knives at me again!" "Nina, Steve gives me adorable puppy-dog eyes and I can't say no!") and when not revealing huge relationship issues, he was often giving away some pretty classified info. Not that Nina'd tell anyone, but still. She began to suspect that Tony had a huge crush on one of the Avengers (*coughcoughStevecough*) and didn't see it. It was, however, affecting his and Pepper's relationship, whether he knew it or not.

And so time passed fairly quickly.

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One day, when Tony arrived, he found something wrong. He hadn't met Nina there in about a week – he'd been busy, and the one morning he'd managed to make it, she hadn't been there.

Nina was there, dressed as cheerfully as usual in orange, and the grin she gave him on arrival was as wicked as usual, but there was something off.

He couldn't quite place it until he sat down across from her.

Bruises.

Nothing huge or obvious, but little ones that hadn't been there before. A few on her face, her arms, her collarbone…

"Hey, kid, what's up?" he asked seriously. Nina cocked her head.

"Dunno. Not much. Stuck on another proof again, but I think I've got it…" she trailed off when he saw him looking at her with a half-frown on his face. "Oh yeah, and I fell down the stairs again," she added brightly.

"…" Tony was speechless for a second. "Again. You fell down the stairs _again_."

Her stare was blank. "Uh, yeah – have you missed the fact that I'm as clumsy as a pregnant lady?" Tony choked. "Yes, I fell down the apartment stairs again. I was taking out the trash, and tripped over the bag. Shut up, it isn't funny!"

Tony held up one hand. "Wasn't going to… but really, pregnant lady?"

Nina stuck out her tongue. "Be quiet! You try thinking of a good simile for a klutz on the spot that's still flattering!"

"…If you were going for flattering, you missed that mark by a mile."

"I hate you."

"No you don't." She threw a straw at his head and went back to her computer.

Tony sighed, but kept an eye on her.

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Nina looked up from her laptop briefly as Tony left the café.

_I'll have to be more careful…_ she mused.

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_**A/N**_

_THANK YOU ALL  
I HAVE SO MANY AWESOME PEOPLE _

_WHO WANT TO READ MY STUFF_

_OH MY GOSHNESS_

_:D_

_But seriously, leave me a review on what you think and what I can do better. I really enjoy writing, but I'm never sure if I'm actually any good at it or just pretending._

_Also: There is a Robert Downey Jr. 2048. I'm terrible at it (and all other 2048s) but I still think it's awesome and that you should all play it. I didn't have any room to fit it in the story, though, which makes me sad._


	5. Brutal Interrogations and Avenger Buses

**Chapter 5: In which Tony is brutally interrogated and we meet the other family**

Disclaimer: Still do not own. Sorry lawyers.

- -. -.-. . / ..- .-. - -. / .- / - .. - .

"Tony, where _do_ you go in the mornings? I mean, I assumed it was just the lab or something, but you weren't there yesterday," Clint asked conversationally as he scavenged for food in the large kitchen. It was slightly scary how much they all consumed.

Tony ate a lot, being a grown man who was constantly working.

Natasha and Clint had to eat a lot, too, given how much exercise they had.

Bruce was eating for two people, one of them being a gigantic green rage monster.

Steve's metabolism ran four times as fast as a normal person's, and that plus constantly working to save the world gave him a huge appetite.

Thor was a _god._ 'Nuff said.

It was probably a good thing that Tony was a billionaire. The amount they ate, the cost needed to fix everything they broke (which was a hell of a lot, really), villain attacks, and various other expenses tended to rack up.

Compared to them, Pepper, Darcy, and Jane (who all lived at the Tower. Jane and Thor were thinking of getting married; and Darcy, after being given some useless, high-paying job by Tony – mostly to keep her around because she made him laugh – had begun a rather confusing but stable relationship with Bruce) ate practically nothing.

The Avengers had avoided each other in the beginning, but risking their lives for each other for more than half a year turned out to be a wonderful bonding agent. Steve and Thor were the first to form a friendship, then Clint, and surprisingly (deciding that if Clint could, she could) Natasha. Bruce had taken a little longer, nervous about the Hulk, but after meeting and being asked out by Darcy (she couldn't wait for the shy doctor to ask _her_) he had loosened up a great deal. Tony, while owning basically the entire Tower and nearly everything in it, had managed to never be available, and when he was, he was up to his elbows in machinery or paperwork.

Then Steve had come very close to dying when saving Tony's life. (From a rampaging, purple jelly monster that smelled like grape jelly and bleach, but they usually left that bit out.)

And so eventually friendships were formed and boundaries made.

When Clint, Tony, and Darcy all grinned a little maniacally at random points, everyone learned to evacuate, but first check themselves in a mirror for kick-me notes or marker on face.

They learned how to cheer Steve up when he got to angsting.

They learned not to touch Darcy's iPod, Jane's scientific equiptment, or Pepper's paperwork.

They'd all learned how to talk to the Hulk, and Hulk learned not to smash everything on sight (unless they were in a battle or anything by Justin Bieber was on. In case of the first, everyone was grateful. In the case of the second, no one blamed him).

Clint and Natasha learned to open up. Not too much, though, they had to keep their super-scary assassin facades sometimes.

Everyone learned not to annoy each other to the edge.

They also learned when to drag Tony out of the lab and feed him, and when to leave him alone because he was busy discovering cold fusion or designing a lightsaber or something.

So, life didn't completely suck in the Tower.

And Clint and Bruce were absolutely amazing cooks, so there.

Fury was proud. Actually, he was totally relieved. Either they were going to blow each other up on the first week or they'd become, as Tony put it, 'super-secret-awesome-spandex-or-gold/titanium-alloy-wearing-BFFs-for-life'.

"Oh, y'know, just a coffee shop, nowhere special," Tony replied offhandedly, catching up to the news on his Starkpad.

Steve looked up from his newspaper (which he insisted on, despite Tony's protests). "Wait, the one with that one girl-"

"Who threw the rock at Loki? Yeah."

"Wait – you two've met her?" Natasha queried.

"Mhm. Why?"

"You should have reported that!"

Tony rolled his eyes. "Dear Mr. Fury. Today I met a fourteen-year-old girl in a café, who threw a rock at Loki months ago. Love, Tony."

Steve's smiled a little, but Natasha didn't. "_Seriously_, Tony, she might have been a _spy_!"

"I've been meeting her for months now. If she _is_ a spy, I'm screwed."

"Hang on, you've been meeting _a fourteen-year-old_ in a café for months? Dude, you are _such_ a pedophile! Steve! Not you, too!" Clint backed away from Tony.

"She's _fifteen_ now! And I'm not a pedophile!" Tony glared. "And Steve was only there once."

"She's not your _daughter_, is she?" Bruce asked.

"The Man of Iron has a _daughter_?" Thor clapped Tony on the back gently. (Well, gently for Thor, so basically really hard.)

"_No_! Jesus, you people have such perverted minds! Pepper," Tony moaned as the strawberry blonde walked in, Darcy and Jane following. "They think I'm a pedophile!"

"Or she's your daughter…"

"Or both!"

"Ewwww, Tony, gross!"

"Are they talking about Nina?" Pepper asked, reaching for the decaf tea. How she managed everything on just that, antacids, and (in Tony's mind) gross healthy green stuff, no one will ever know.

"_Yes_!"

"Her name is Nina?" Natasha asked.

"Yes, and she won't be on any of your S.H.I.E.L.D. files, Spidey. She's not a supervillain or anything."

"_Everyone_ is on our files."

"That's…kinda kinky."

"Shut it."

"Lady Pepper, have you seen the Poptarts?"

"No, we're out."

"What?"

"Thor, you ate all of them yesterday."

"Yeah, you were showing Darcy how much you could eat."

"How much _could_ he eat? I got a stomachache after watching him for three hours and had to walk out."

"A lot, apparently. We don't have anything left."

"_Anything_?"

"Um… two bruised apples, a stale box of cereal, and a few boxes of… two week old Chinese. Yuck. Besides that, nothing."

"We must obtain more food!"

"To the grocery store!"

"I'm Tony Stark. I don't _do _grocery shopping."

"Who _buys_ all our food, anyway?"

"It just sorta… shows up."

"Oh my _god_, that's _creepy_."

"_I_ buy it. _And_ put it away. Steve helps, too."

"Not _really_, Pepper. I just carry the heavy stuff."

"Steviekins, you're too modest. Pepper, you do everything."

"Only because you're too lazy, Tony."

"I'm not lazy!"

"Yes you are."

"Mhm."

"Yeah…"

"Yup."

"You kinda are."

"Sorry, Tony."

"I'm not _lazy_! I'm a brilliant billionaire genius and all of you are brutally interrogating me. I'm leaving!"

"Where?"

"To his daughter, of course!"

"I wish to meet her, this daughter of yours."

"Me too."

"That's it. Tony, we are going to meet this girl."

"What? No!"

"Tony, as leader of the Avengers, I think we ought to meet this girl and make sure she's not a threat. Also we can get something to eat because I'm really hungry."

"I second that!"

"C'mon, then. Let's grab a car!"

"Um, I don't think we'll fit."

"We might need a bus, actually."

"We should get a bus."

"An Avengers bus!"

"Watch out, bad guys, they'll say! Here comes the Avengers bus!"

"That's tacky. And slow."

"Indeed, I would much rather fly to our destination with Mjiolnir."

"We'll just take a couple cars."

"You will not touch my cars!"

"You just keep thinking that."

"Bruce, press the button! Level one, garage!"

"I'm trying, but this elevator is seriously crowded!"

"Thor, move your bloody arm! You're choking me!"

"I apologize, Anthony, but there is nowhere to move it."

"God, Clint, you don't need to bring your bow!"

"How did you know?"

"IT"S STICKING ME IN THE BACK!"

"Oh."

"Why didn't we take the stairs?"

"We're here!"

"No need to push!"

"RIGHT! Darcy, Natasha, and Clint, in that one!"

"Nooooo, not that one! Clint, one scratch and you die!"

"Thor, Jane, and Pepper in that one!"

"Pepper is driving! Thor gets locked in the trunk-OW! Jane!"

"Me, Tony, and Bruce will take that one!"

"Why am _I_ stuck with the responsible people?"

"Because _you're_ Tony Stark!"

"Why do people keep using my name as an insult? It's the greatest compliment there is!"

"Where the hell _is _this café, anyway?"

"I'll _never_ tell you!"

"I know where it is!"

"What? You haven't been there for seven months!"

"Perfect memory."

"Fuck you!"

"Wait, does that mean you remember _everything_? Even that time when I-"

"Darcy, I will never forget that."

"Crap."

"C'mon, Steve! Get in the car and lead the way!"

"I get shotgun."

"No way! My car, my seats."

"Too late. Get in the back."

"GAH!"

"EVERYONE! All of you just follow my car!"

"It's _my_ car!"

"See you there!"

"Tony, who're you calling?"

"Nina! I'm warning her that an entire circus is showing up today!"

"Nope."

"Bruce, gimmie my phone back! Steve, make Bruce give me my phone back."

"Sorry, Tony, but I think we're trying to surprise her here."

"GAH! STEVE, THAT WAS A RED LIGHT!"

"Oops."

"This is _really_ not helping the Other Guy, Captain…"

"_Who taught you how to drive_?"

"No one."

"WHAT?"

"I don't know how to drive a car!"

"_Why_ are you _driving,_ th- RED LIGHT RED LIGHT RED LIGHT!"

"Because I'm the only one besides you who knows where the café is!"

"Is everyone still even following us?"

"Yes, somehow – STEVE, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO STOP AT STOP SIGNS!"

"STEVE! DO NOT HIT THAT MAN!"

"STEVE! THAT IS NOT THE BRAKE! THAT IS THE ACCELERATION!"

"We're here!"

"Everyone OUT of my car!"

"Steve, it was _really _hard following you…"

"That's not too hard to believe, 'Tasha, since he doesn't know _how to drive_!"

"You need to take Drivers Ed_. Badly_."

"I can ride a motorbike!"

"_Not_ the same thing."

"HEY! Steve, is that the café?"

"Yes. C'mon."

"NOOOOOO! NINA! RUN!"

"Shut up, you're making a scene."

"I think the _Avengers_ walking into a _café _and _interrogating_ some _fifteen-year-old girl_ is a scene!"

"Whatever. Onwards!"

- ... . .-. . / .- .- ... / .- / .-. - -.- . - - -.

MEANWHILE

.- ... - / .- .- ... / .-. . .- .-.. .-.. -.- / .- .- . ... - - .

Nina was having a normal day. She got up, took a shower, got dressed, and cleaned the house a bit (a job she was always stuck with, because Isabella was a slob and Gwen was never home long enough to). She also called Milah, her friend who'd moved to London a few years ago. The four-hour time difference made it a bit annoying, though. Good thing Milah was an early riser.

Afterwards, she headed to the café. It was a gorgeous day, she noticed, soaking in the warm sun. Her laptop was under her arm in her messenger bag.

When she got there, she greeted Sarah and slid into he seat. Tony wasn't there, but she was usually first, when he did come. Nina pulled out her laptop. She opened up ALEKS and began to work. It sucked that she had homework to do over the summer, but she struggled in math more than any subject, and it took her longer to finish than any of her other classes (all of which were online as well, except for Composition IV, which she took at a co-op). She hoped that Tony would be here, because she really didn't get proofs.

She got a call, but before she could answer it, it stopped ringing. She didn't have caller ID (probably the last person on earth not to) so she had no idea who it was. Probably a wrong number.

Minutes later, she heard a commotion outside. Looking out, she saw…

An annoyed Tony. Well, okay.

A blushing, tall man that Nina vaguely recognized. Steve Rogers.

A tall, muscled guy with shoulder-length, silky blonde hair. Thor, maybe? She'd only seen them on TV, fighting, with blurry shots. Except for that one time with Loki, but then they were all in suits, armed, and covered in gore. It was hard to recognize them now, and only Tony was completely open with the public about his 'other identity'.

A confident-looking woman with medium length, strawberry red hair. Nina knew her from the papers: Pepper Pots.

Another redhead, only instead of light red, hers was fiery and dark. She had a body that Nina would kill for.

She stood close to (yet another) tall blonde, whose shirtsleeves had been cut off, showcasing wiry arms. He was laughing, and Nina was sure she caught a glint of blue eyes. They must be the Black Widow and Hawkeye, then, if Thor and Captain America were here.

Which meant that the floppy, brown haired, older man must be Bruce Banner. He was glaring at Steve, and saying something Nina couldn't hear.

That left two women, which Nina guessed to be Darcy and Jane, who Tony often talked about. She wasn't sure which was which until one grabbed Thor's hand. She must be Jane, then. So the curvy one who was laughing so loudly must be Darcy.

Then Hawkeye pointed imperiously at the café and marched in, everyone following him, Steve dragging a reluctant Tony.

Quickly, Nina looked back at her screen and straightened her shoulders, wiping the smile off her face.

"Is that her?"

"Looks like her."

"C'mon!"

"Tony goes first."

"There isn't enough room at the table for all of us!"

"Good, 'cause you ain't sitting with us. Go away!"

"After we came all this way?"

"Stop being so rude, Tony."

"Yeah, introduce us!"

They all clustered at the entrance of the shop, looking at Nina, who was deliberately not looking back at them. She could hear Pepper apologizing profusely to Sarah, who was trying very hard not to laugh while assuring the businesswoman it was fine.

"Greetings! You must be the daughter the Man of Iron has been talking about." Thor decided that he was tired of waiting and went up to introduce himself. "I am Thor, Son of Odin."

Slowly, Nina looked up. "I am Nina Adams, very much _not_ daughter of Tony Stark. And very happy about that fact. Will you sit down?"

Thor did, while Tony glared. "_When_ did I say she was my daughter?"

"It was that or pedophile." Bruce shrugged.

"I'm _not_ a _pedophile_!" Tony cried.

"Sure?" interjected Nina. "All those times you followed me home, creepy questions…"

"Tony!" Pepper and Steve yelled at the same time.

"I didn't…"

"I thought better of you!" Steve shook his head.

"I'm not…"

"Tony, you are disgusting! This poor girl…" Pepper cried.

"I _haven't_… Nina! The hell?"

She grinned. "Sorry, darlin', but that's revenge for the hazelnut incident."

"That was an accident!"

Nina gave him a look that, if Natasha didn't know better, was purely Coulson.

"Well, _mostly_ an accident… but _still_!"

Clint saw the way the two interacted with each other, and was shocked. Nina acted like Tony was her little brother or something, and Tony looked comfortable. He recalled how long it had taken Tony to be like that with them.

"Um, no offense or anything," Nina interrupted Tony mid-sentence. "but why are you all here?"

"We wanted to meet you!" Darcy trilled.

"We wanted to see where Tony went so often in the mornings." Natasha elaborated.

"And?'

"We've found another Pepper!" Jane said.

"Or Steve…" Bruce corrected.

Nina cocked her head. "What?"

"Someone who can control Tony." At this point, everyone had cannibalized a chair from other tables and sat down.

"Then you mean Natasha." Tony folded his arms. "They both throw stuff."

Nina threw a pen at him. The uncapped side hit his face, leaving a sparkly green trail on his face (Nina's favorite color ink).

"Nice shot!" Clint and Nina shared a high five.

"She doesn't throw _knives_ at you, though." smirked Natasha, proud of the fact that she was unique in this.

"Umm, actually…" Nina winced.

"Yes, she does!"

"It was just a butter knife!"

"No, _they _were just butter knives. And then there was that one time-"

"That doesn't count!"

"Why?"

"Because I didn't throw it at you, I just stabbed it at you!"

"Hmph."

"Oh, and hey, you still owe me 20$."

"No way! I totally won that bet!"

"She _was_ a guy!"

"A _gay_ guy who recently had _surgery_! Doesn't count!"

Pepper, Jane, Steve, and Bruce all choked simultaneously. Darcy and Clint were shaking with laughter. Thor just looked confused.

Then Tony's stomach growled. Loudly.

Nina leveled a glare at Tony. "When was the last time you ate?"

"Why?"

"Anthony Edward Stark, when did you last eat?"

"Three hours ago."

"Let me rephrase that. When did you last consume something that was not alcohol, coffee, junk food, or greasy leftover take-out?"

"Three days ago?"

"That's it. We're getting breakfast," she checked her watch. "Or lunch. Whatever. You're paying, Mr. Billionaire, and," she paused and looked around at the Avengers plus girlfriends, "you can come too, if you want."

So they went.

.- -... ... - .-.. / .. ... / -... . ... –

_**A/N**_

_Thanks muchly :) Also I think I like writing dialogue more than exposition. Ah well._


	6. PIZZA (what more must be said)

**Chapter 6: In Which something big finally happens in a rather short amount of time and words (but the chapter title is really long)**

_Disclaimer: _.. / -.. - / -. - - / - .- -. / - ... . / .- ...- . -. -. . .-. ...

.. / ... .- ...- . / - ... .. ... / ..-. . . .-.. .. -. -.

Lunch.

The restaurant was a disaster.

It started out fine.

Really, it did.

- ... .- - / -. - / - -. . / .. ... / -... - - ... . .-. .. -. -.

"So…" Darcy asked, grinning hugely at Nina. She blinked, a little unnerved.

"Ah, yeah?" The fifteen-year-old was in the backseat of a certain gorgeous hotrod red BMW M6 Gran Coupe next to Darcy. Nina, in the nine minutes she had spent inside this car, already knew enough about it to write an article for Car and Driver.

Why?

A certain gorgeous archer was very excited about it.

_Very_.

So, to be nice (and not, for any reason, keep his attention on her, of course), Nina let him ramble on about it while Darcy grinned (was she ever _not?_) and Natasha's mouth was lifted in a knowing smile.

Nina ignored them.

Until, of course, Darcy had given her a light punch.

"Tony." Darcy wriggled underneath her seatbelt. "Dish."

"Um." _This lady is… interesting, to say the least. Ah, well, why not?_ "What d'you want to know?" Nina smirked evilly.

"Ooh, I like her!" Clint laughed, and Nina fought off a flush with great difficulty as she began to answer questions as best she could – and started asking some herself.

In his car, Tony sneezed.

- - / - .-. .- -. ... .-.. .- - . / - ... . ... .

They got to some random pizza place and sat down, startling the few other groups of people so much that one serving waitress dropped her tray, splashing Pepsi everywhere, when she recognized Tony Stark and realized who everyone else must be.

They had to drag like five tables together to have room for all of them, but the owners were so excited to host the Avengers they didn't really mind.

When the shaken waitress walked over, pen in hand, ready to take their orders, Tony just sighed. "Ah, give us four pepperoni, two Hawaiian, three sausage, and whatever Steve and Thor want for themselves."

"You mean slices, right, sir…?" she asked nervously.

The Avengers laughed. "No," Tony said seriously. "Pizzas."

"Ah… okay…" she said, and turned two the two large blondes for their separate orders.

The wait was surprisingly short, and the order arrived soon.

After a few slices and an awkward pause or two, Darcy broke the ice with a, "So just what the hell _are_ you wearing, anyway?" directed at Nina.

Nina looked down, having forgotten what she'd put on. _Oh, right, green today_, she remembered. "Purple," she said firmly. "It's my favorite color."

"…" There was a collective pause as everyone took in the dark forest green, calm vermillion, cheerful spring green, and bright neon green clothes and accessories.

"It suits you," Tony agreed. "Brings out the purple in your eyes." He gestured towards her olive green irises.

"I agree," said Bruce, deadpan. "I like purple too, though most of my clothes are green." He nodded to his purple shirt.

"Well, the Other Guy is purple too," Steve said, picking up his twelfth slice of sausage-pepperoni-banana pepper-extra cheese-mushroom-bacon-Canadian bacon-green pepper-avocado pizza. (No one else had touched that pizza. Nina had a feeling that this was the point.)

"This is true," nodded Bruce.

"I do like red, though…" Nina said thoughtfully, pointing to Clint's bright blue shirt (and in no way admiring what that shirt showcased, no way).

"Oh, me too!" the archer agreed. "Blue's a little too… I dunno, depressing."

Pepper frowned. "I have no idea what's going on…"

"Seconded," added Jane.

"I have learned to simply ignore it," sighed Thor, digging into his fifth pizza.

"Really?" Natasha smiled sweetly. "Well, my favorite color has always been pink," she said, looking straight at Tony's pitch black concert t-shirt.

Tony choked on his pizza slice. "Why'm _I_ wearing pink?"

"Real men wear pink, dontcha know," Nina said calmly.

Steve bit into another slice, shoulder shaking with the effort to contain his laughter.

"Laugh it up, gramps," scowled Tony. "I'll-

And then all hell broke loose as the windows imploded, glass shattered, and tables were sent flying, while a bright red light blinded Nina.

.. / -.. .- - . / .-. .. -. . - -. ... / ... - / ... ... - ..- .-.. -.. / -.- - ..- / ... .- - - ..-. ..- .-..

_**A/N**_

_Oh my stars._

_Everyone is WONDERFUL AND AMAZING AND YOU ALL DESERVE SOMETHING_

_But I am poor _

_And not very good at presents :(_

_But you know what makes an amazing present?_

_Betcha you can't guess._

_(it's reviews)_

_(just so you know)_

_(I would actually love some constructive criticism)_

_(seriously)_

_(or just praise)_

_(I like that too)_


	7. Lasers, disclaimers, and - shoot

**Chapter 7: In Which there are lasers, disclaimers, and – well, **_**crap.**_

Disclaimer:

_Happy: "We important characters who are somehow not in this story are here to make this disclaimer!"_

_Sif: "Actually, Nishikikouji is just hiding from a _seriously_ pissed off Tony."_

_Peggy: "He's worried about Nina and what just happened last chapter."_

_Rhodey: "Yes, yes, and get on with it, I have a meeting to get to."_

_Happy: "_What_ meeting? You're _words _on a _screen_! You only exist when being written about!"_

_Peggy: "Which is why we really should be in this story. I mean, I want to exist here, people!"_

_Sif: "I agree with Lady Peggy."_

_Happy: "Me too!"_

_Rhodey: "Kouji-"_

_Happy: "Oi! Shut up! As soon as we finish the disclaimer, the story'll start!"_

_Rhodey: "Good! Kouji doesn't-"_

_Peggy (drawing her gun): "Don't you finish that sentence, soldier."_

_Rhodey: "Don't I outrank you?"_

_Sif (lays her sword at Rhodey's throat): "Do not finish that sentence."_

_Happy: "We will never end this disclaimer! We will live forever!"_

_(Sif, Happy, and Peggy laugh maniacally. Rhodey looks annoyed.)_

_Wolverine: "Nishikikouji does not own-"_

_Happy: "Hey, why are you here?!"_

_Wolverine: "This is Marvel, right?"_

_Sif: "Well, yeah, but…"_

_(_Snikt_)_

_Peggy: "Ulp."_

_Wolverine: "Kouji does not own the Marvel Universe."_

_(Fade to black. Sif, Happy, and Peggy, are heard yelling.)_

-. - - - .- / -.-. .- - -.-. ... / . - / .- .-.. .-..

_Lasers,_ Tony thought. _Fucking lasers_.

He swore and pressed a small black button on his wrist cuffs, hearing the beep as it confirmed his thumbprints. It would take at least a minute for the suit to get here, so for now-

"Tony!" Steve cried. "Grab Nina and get out of here!"

_Yes, that._

The captain hefted his shield in front of him and charged towards the source of the laser. Thor wasn't far behind, while Clint jumped to the sidelines and melted into the shadows, out of the illumination of the rapidly firing laser. Tony knew from experience that he'd be finding good vantage points. Natasha grabbed Jane and Darcy and ran in the opposite direction, knowing against a leaser there wasn't much she could do.

A roar shattered the air as the Other Guy made his appearance, and Tony was startled out of his reverie. He grabbed a blinking and dazed Nina – she had been facing the window, and as such gotten the full blast of light – and dashed to the backroom of the collapsing restaurant. Sounds of battles and yells were behind them, but Tony ignored them in favor of getting Nina _out of there_.

_The workers must have fled,_ he realized when they got to the kitchen, shoving chairs, tables, and whatever debris was in their way. It was empty, and mostly undamaged. Thinking quickly, he opened what he was fairly sure was a pantry door (he was right) and turned to Nina.

"You'll be safer here than running around the streets, but don't hesitate to leave if you have to. Stay safe, and stay _out_. No rock throwing heroics, got it?" he demanded, speaking fast. Nina, eyes wide, nodded. He heard a _whooshing_ sound and knew instinctively his suit was here. "You okay?" She nodded again. "Good." He raised his arms, and the suit attached itself to him.

Nina watched, awe on her face, as the faceplate lowered with a barely audible _clink._

For a second, Tony stilled, wanting to say something more, but unsure of what.

"Go!" she said suddenly, a half-grin on her face. "Go save the world or whatever the hell it is this time – I'll be fine." She crossed her arms over her chest, in an attempt to look heroic, and stumbled, putting out a hand to catch herself. "Ahm… yeah."

He laughed, "Bye, clumsy," and activated his lifters.

"Go kill 'em, tiny!" she called after him.

_She'll be fine_, he reassured himself. _If she can handle Loki, she can handle this_.

.-. - -.- . - - -.

Nina watched him go, letting the smile slip from her face. The _bangs_,_ thumps_, and_ thocks_ grew more and more distant after a few moments, and she supposed the battle was moving farther away.

Distantly, she wondered who had attacked, but didn't really care.

The walls around her spun, and she abruptly plopped down onto the ground.

_Hm… I feel a little dizzy_, she thought absentmindedly. _And kinda numb. And… wet?_

She looked down to her right arm.

_Oh, what a pretty color… I do like red. Oh – and there's more of it! And sparkly stuff… glass, maybe? Anyway… It's nice… and warm… and…_

.- . .-.. .-.. / ..-. ..- -.-. -.-

"There's someone here."

"Is it-"

"A civilian, I think. Little kid. Bleeding out, too. Yuck."

"Let me see – that's the one!"

"We should probably do something about her arm…"

"Oh. Uh, yeah. Hey, anybody here know what they're doing?"

.-. .-.. . .- ... . / -.. - -. .-. - / -.- .. .-.. .-.. / - . .-.-.- .-.-.- .-.-.-

The battle lasted longer than it should have, Tony supposed, though not because the villains (and it still felt utterly ridiculous calling them that, just as weird as calling himself a hero, but most of the time even the villains called themselves villains. It was like they were stuck in some bad action flick) were any good, but because the Avengers had to be so careful of civilian injury.

They'd already been sued once over the deaths of many of the Manhattan Incident, and while the general public had raised such an uproar that it had been retracted (people could do that?), it hadn't been a pleasant experience.

Plus they didn't want anybody to actually, y'know, get hurt.

In any case, the idiot with the laser turned out to be some nobody thief plagiarist, and once they had him cornered it took about five minutes to take him and his laser-tank down. SHIELD was on the spot in another two, and the NYPD hauled away the 'villain' in five.

So it was maybe an hour or two after Tony had left Nina alone in the pantry that he came back.

He strolled in the wrecked shop through the door, despite the Hulk-sized gaping hole in the side of the building. He was still impeccably dressed in his suit (despite a few tears and rips and plaster dust spots here and there), and, with the ease of practice, slipped on a pair of shades.

Through the kitchen, to the pantry… another minute or so.

"Hey, Ninakins," called Tony. "'M back, you can stop fretting your pretty heart-"

Empty.

_Why is it- No. She must have just heard something and moved, is all._ Still, he couldn't help but feel a slow, impending sense of fear.

And then he saw the pool of blood.

He let out a choked gasp, frozen to the spot for two milliseconds, then was off like a rocket, speeding out the store like he owned it.

"JARVIS," he ordered, and the robotic British voice responded immediately.

"Yes, sir?"

"I have a job for you."

.. - / ... - .-. .-. -.- / .. - / ... - .-. .-. -.- / .. - / ... - .-. .-. -.—

_**A/N**_

_Jane: "Kouji's still hiding. So, apparently we've been drafted to do the author's notes. Despite not being authors."_

_Darcy: "Yeah, 'cause the disclaimer went _so well_."_

_Jane (pulls out a rolled piece of paper, the end dropping to the floor): "Er, what's this?"_

_Darcy: "The list of things to apologize for, methinks."_

_Jane (reading): "Umm... Let's see... jeez, Kouji's handwriting _sucks._"_

_Darcy: "Let me." (Grabs it) "Nishikikouji is sorry for: Grammar and spelling mistakes, late updates, short chapters, crappy plotlines, bad dialogue, what she just did to Nina- hang on, what happened to Nina?"_

_Jane: "Read the chapter."_

**_5 MINUTES LATER_**

_Darcy (pulls out her taser): Kouji's going down."_


	8. 99 bottles and cliches all around

**Chapter 8: In Which there is 99 bottles of beer and cliché kidnappers**

_Disclaimer:_ OH GET OVER IT

.-.. .- / -.. . . / -.. .- ... / -.. .. / -.. .- ...

_Ouch._

_ Owowowowouch._

_ OW._

Nina refused to open her eyes. _No _damn way that was gonna happen, nope, uh-uh, no siree. Her head felt like Thor had taken Mjolnir to it incessantly, her tongue was a great big dried-out slug in her mouth, her eyes had that annoyed gritty feeling that happens when you're too tired to sleep.

And her arm.

It was like her arm had decided that it didn't really need to hang on to her torso anymore, and tried to cut itself off. She felt more of a dull ache mixed with a slow burn than searing pain – like she'd been sunburned really _really _badly, but Nina knew from experience that this was a bad injury.

So she was going to lie here on this bed that was definitely not hers (the scent was musty, the blanket scratchy, and the mattress impossibly hard) and pretend she was dead.

…

…..

….

Nope. Too boring.

Slowly and carefully, Nina forced herself to sit up, trying not to cry out in pain. Her arm throbbed, but she bit her lip and ignored it.

The room was bare and sparse, the walls a boring grey. The only furniture in the room was the cot she was lying on. A door stood to her left, and she had a pretty good feeling it would be locked – this was no hospital.

She moaned and leaned her head up against the wall.

_This'll be fun…_

.. ... / .- -. -.- -... - -.. -.- / -... - - ... . .-. .. -. -. / .- .. - ... / - ... . ... . ..-..

An hour passed, then two (at least Nina thought so, it was hard to tell) and she grew more and more bored. Her bandaged arm continued to ache, and, to distract herself, she started to sing.

In her loudest, most annoying, most off-key voice possible (which really wasn't that hard – she wasn't exactly Adele).

"99 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL," she started, and swore she heard a groan from the other side of the door.

-.. .. -.. -. - / - ... .. -. -.- / ... -

"-38 bottles of beer, you take one down, pass it around, 38 bottles of beer on the wall. 37 bott-" Nina was cut off as the door slammed open and a supremely pissed off man walked in. His hair was salt-and-pepper, his suit a little rumpled, and his arms crossed. He was flanked by two burly men, one on either side, with tattoos galore and some serious muscles.

"I've been expecting you," Nina drawled, sitting up straight on the cot, slowly stroking the pillow in her lap as if it were a cat. She raised one eyebrow (a trick she was very proud of) and tried to look as evil-mastermind-ey as possible.

"…" The man in charge (because it was rather obvious) stood speechless for a moment, then began to speak in a menacing tone. "Good, you're awake. I-"

Nina interrupted. "Let me guess. You're holding me for ransom, because you saw me with Tony Stark and the Avengers. You think you're gonna get a boatload of money, and then walk away scot-free."

"Well, yeah," said the guard on the right in a deep voice. The man in charge glared at him.

"Silence, moron!" he yelled, and Nina couldn't help it – she started giggling to the amazement of the other three.

"Oh my god, this is so cliché!" she said between gasps. "Seriously, it's like all you did was watch bad action flicks and try to copy them!"

"How dare you?!" the leader growled.

"Easily," she shrugged. "Number one and number two are probably just guys you hired in some bar and ordered to crack their knuckles menacingly, you're some douche who never got a date in high school and now you wanna be rich, you most likely didn't even hire the laser-guy, you've just been following me around for a while –and really, you picked a fairly stupid time to kidnap me, what if Iron Man had come back – and I'd bet you anything this is an abandoned warehouse."

Douche (because he needed an actual name, not just 'man in charge') stuttered incoherently for a minute and Nina let herself grin.

If she was going to be kidnapped, she was going to have some _fun_ while she waited to be rescued.

-. .- / -. .- / -. .- / -. .- / -. .- / -. .- / -. .-

_**A/N**_

_I'm sorry, I know I haven't updated in ages, and at a cliffhanger too, and I know this is short, but I've been really sick all week, and then my computer decided it didn't like me anymore, and stuff keeps happening! I meant to make the chapter longer but that would take a while longer, and I decided you guys would want to know what the hell happened to Nina._

_*Insert obligatory beg for reviews here*_


	9. Duct Tape and Long Nails

**Chapter 9: In Which there is Duct Tape and Long Nails of Uncertain Color **

Disclaimer: _Multiple Choice: A) I own the Avengers; B) I'm making money off of this; C) I'm Joss Whedon, D) None of the above_

_(hinthint it's D)_

... . .-. . ... / -.- - ..- .- ..

Well, that failed.

Nina's eyes narrowed at Douche, but unfortunately she was not gifted with the ability to shoot actual physical daggers from her eyes.

Too bad.

If anyone deserved to be impaled with angry-eye-daggers, it was Douche.

She tried again to move her mouth, but duct tape was a powerful foe, and she was rendered helpless by the cables tying her hands and legs behind her back to the headboard of the cot. And every time she pulled, her arm sent pain signals flashing to her head at the speed of a texting teenager – not to mention the various cuts, aches, and bruises she'd gained since waking up.

This was… not good.

"Is this all it took to shut you up?" Douche wondered aloud, smirking. "I wish I'd thought of it earlier."

_Nice try trying to make yourself sound good, asshat,_ she thought. _But it took Guards One, Two, and Three an hour and a half to get me down, and they didn't exactly come out unscathed._

Indeed, the three men standing by the door had distinctly unhappy looks on their faces, complimented by the scratches and dried blood from the pens Nina'd managed to snatch and her own fingernails all over their faces and arms.

"Of course, I'm expecting blah blah Man blah blah boring stuff," Douche continued as Nina tuned him out, the boring ass. Instead, she thought over what she'd seen as she tore through the halls on her brief escape.

As far as she could tell, it really was an abandoned warehouse. The halls were fairly barren, and if she had been on a higher level (not B-3, as it happened) she might have managed to escape. She figured there were maybe ten or fifteen of these thugs hanging around, and the three that had been on her tail… hadn't fared well.

(Nina was very proud of her nails. She wasn't much for conventional beauty, but she'd always admired the long-nails-look, and took great care in hers. Of course, right now the purple – er, green – or was it purple? What had they said again? – paint was covered in a film of rusty red-brown.)

Still, Nina was a fairly out-of-shape teenager in a huge abandoned warehouse basement with steroidal muscle-freaks chasing after her.

So here she was, back in her room, tied and taped and not feeling so hot.

Where the hell was Tony?

This was getting annoying.

.-.. .- .-.. .- .-.. .- .- / -. .. -. .- ... / .- -. -. - -.- . -..

"Sir-" JARVIS began, and Tony's head shot up from the computer display.

"Yes?"

"I'm receiving a call. Currently tracing its origination."

Tony's heart (arc reactor) stopped briefly. "Put it on. Now."

A screen flickered to life, coalescing into an image of an older man holding a gun to… Nina's head.

Tony froze.

"Hello, Iron Man," drawled the man. "I believe I have something of yours?"

"You fucking bastard-" Tony growled, furious.

Nina was a bruised mess, her mouth covered with shiny silver. But when she caught his eye, she winked.

Huh.

Well.

"Now, Iron Man – may I call you Tony? Iron Man is so much of a mouthful." The man just kept talking.

"Shut up, douchecanoe," hissed Tony, still pissed beyond belief. The man flinched, and Nina's eyes crinkled with laughter. "You fucking _kidnapped_ a _kid_. Seriously_, not_ cool, man. So you think I'm _really _just going to let you get away with it? I'm _Tony_ fucking _Stark_, you bastard."

"Oh, you'll do more than let me get away with it," the man said. "You're going to give me five million dollars as well."

_That's a… random number_, though Tony. "And if I say no? Asswipe." Nina nodded in the back, eyes determined.

The man smirked, cocking his pistol. "Then I kill the girl."

"You really gonna kill a little girl? Really?"

_**BANG.**_

.

.

.

.

-... .- -. -. / -... .- -. -. / - -.- / -... .- -... -.- / ... ... - - / - . / -.. - .- -.

.

.

.

.

.

_**A/N:**_

_Here's KOUJIIIIIII_

_God I'm sorry I know it's been a zillion years and stuff and you probably thought I was dead or something _

_But the computer was an ass and there was vacation and school and sickness and general laziness and lack of inspiration (despite this being such a short, on-the-spot story) and I know it's all my fault please don't hate meeeeeeeee_

_Also:_

_I have 50 followers. _

_**50.**_

_Seriously, people, I am so touched! This just started because I wanted to have some fun writing, I never expected so many people to care! And so, even though I missed the 50__th__ follower mark, how about the 25__th__ reviewer gets a free one-shot of choice? (That's what people do, right?)_

_Thank you all SO MUCH _

AAAAAAAH

0110100001100001011010000110000101101000011000010010000001110111011010000110111100100000011010110110111001101111011101110111001100100000011000100110100101101110011000010111001001111001


	10. Unexpected Happenings and Cats

**Chapter 10: In Which some unexpected stuff happens and who doesn't like kitties? **

Disclaimer: _Why am I still writing these?_

-.-. .- - -.-. ... / - . / .. - / ..-. .- .-.. .-.. .. -. -.

_**BANG.**_

__The sound of a gun rang through the air, and it stopped Tony's heart like it itself had been shot.

An arc like a rainbow, only composed of crimson red, glittered for a second, frozen in time.

And the man holding the gun to the girl's head fell down dead.

(Briefly and apropos of nothing, Tony wondered why thoughts always seemed so poetic when things got tense.)

Nina's eyes were huge, obviously shocked, yet there wasn't a single drop of blood on her anywhere – nor a gun in her hand.

_Then who…_

"Nina!" Tony yelled, intensely worried, unable to do anything more whilst staring at a screen. She fumbled for a second, then brought her hands out from her back, the nail in her hand having cut through the tape. One rip had her mouth free, though it made her wince as a few wounds around her lips began to bleed again.

"'M fine, 'm fine," she assured, and then slowly put her hands up. "Please don't shoot me too, I'm really sorry about the whole rock thing, I mean it-"

Tony's mind went blank with confusion for a second, then… "Oh fuck."

"Such language, Stark," a smooth, familiar voice drawled easily. "And in front of a lady, too."

He appeared on the edge of the screen, a smirk plastered on his face and (though modern weapons had been Tony's specialty, not two-hundred-year-old-pistols) what he was fairly sure was an antique European flintlock in absolute pristine condition lounging loosely in his left hand.

"Oh, I'm used to it, don't worry," Nina said, and Tony was proud of how her voice hardly wavered. "I'm a little confused on one point, though. I'm hoping you can clarify?"

Loki nodded regally, and just then Tony noticed the bodies of the dead guards bleeding out on the floor.

Well then.

"Why'd you shoot him?" she asked, crossing her arms, regaining her confidence with every second that passed without a gun barrel pressed to her head.

Loki shrugged. "His presence violated my sense of propriety. He disgusted me."

Nina blinked, then suddenly laughed cheerfully. For a quick second Loki appeared surprised, but his smirk soon morphed into a full-out grin. It was a little unnerving. Tony opened his mouth to speak, but Nina barreled on.

"Yeah, me too. But I suppose what I'm asking is why didn't you just let him shoot me first? Y'know, because of the fact that it's my fault you got caught. Rock and all." She bit her lip, obviously on a roll. "Actually, how'd you escape? Thor hasn't said anything – oh shit, sorry, you don't want to talk about Thor, I kinda figure it's a sore spot, I'll change the subject… er, hey, why_ are _you here? Also I think I'm gonna sit down now," she said in a rush, the last second coming out rather abrupt as she began to sway.

"Honestly, you mortals..." Loki sighed as he easily waved his hand, an extremely comfortable chair appearing out of nowhere directly underneath the rapidly descending Nina.

"oh thank you" she said faintly, eyelids wavering.

"Nina!" Tony all but growled, eyes narrowing. "Wh-"

"Silence," Loki ordered. "Your prattling bores me."

"_How dare you!_" Tony hissed. "I-"

"Sir, the Captain and Agent Barton are arriving at the Tower this second. The others are fast approaching," JARVIS informed.

"I see you have company," declared the Norse god from the screen, lazily folding his arms and looking the very picture of a satisfied cat. "I shall not interrupt. Rest assured, I shall take good care of your Janina. Farewell, Tony Stark."

Before Tony could get out a single threat, the screen winked out.

"AAUHHRRRGGHHH!" he shouted, smashing his fist against the wall.

.-. .-.. . .- ... . / ... . .- .-. / - . / -.-. .- .-.. .-.. .. -. -.

"Idiotic, ignorant Midgardian…" Loki sighed as he observed the fainted girl in his apartment, still curled in the cozy chair. A half second later she was completely healed, all blood and dirt vanished.

Another half second and a miniscule jolt of energy zapped her awake.

She opened her eyes slowly and leisurely, adding a stretch for good measure.

"Good morning, Loki," she got in between yawns. "Lovely day, isn't it? Care to tell me what the hell is going on?"

Loki flopped onto a plush leather couch, managing to give the appearance of a stately noble every inch of the way down. "Of course. This is my apartment."

He held up his left hand, long fingers curled around nothing – then a plain grey rock, rough and completely ordinary looking.

And he threw it at her.

Her reflexes weren't quite fast enough, and it ended up hitting her in the side of the temple. "Ah!" she exclaimed, surprised, then picked it up off the white-carpeted floor.

"And that was my revenge."

"I suppose I deserved that," she commented dryly, then threw it up a little in the air with the intent on catching it again. Unfortunately, it disappeared halfway back to her hand.

She wrinkled her nose at him and he raised an eyebrow back in reply.

"You really are a strange little thing, aren't you?" he observed with a slight frown.

She stood up and bowed. "Batshit crazy, I assure you."

Loki got up as well, with a rather more graceful bow. "I as well, or so I'm told, at least. It's a pleasure to finally meet you formally."

Nina grinned up at him with a wicked grin. "Oh, I think I _like _you."

"Even though I'm a psychopathic murderer at the top of the SHIELD's main enemy list?"

"Pfah, whatever. Let it go, the past is in the past," she said, a little singsong, then winced. "Oh god, I'm sorry, I'm so sick of it too, it just slips in sometimes-" she stopped at his blank stare. "Er, never mind. The point is I'm a bit strange when it comes to… some things."

Loki's eyebrow went even higher. "Also, apparently fairly vague."

"Um, yeah. Can I ask you a really important question, though?" she inquired, glancing around the gorgeously furnished apartment.

"I cannot promise I will answer, but go ahead."

She gave him a very serious look. "What the _hell_ is with all these cats?"

Loki hesitated, eyes widening at the completely unexpected question as (by Nina's count) a sixth cat slunk into the room, this one a glossy calico tabby.

"Why not?"

-.-. .- - -.-. ... / - . / -... . ..-. - .-. . / .. - ... / - - - / .-.. .- - .

_**A/N:**_

_Okay,I have no idea what the hell just happened, but it did. I think I was suffering from a Loki deprivation. I deeply apologize. Also, I was thinking that Loki seemed way too weak in that first chapter, and I wanted to rectify some things. Also, I don't know how many of you noticed, but Nina is a little… well… anyway. PLOT ADVANCEMENT_

…_yes, there is a plot. It's just resisting me every step of the way, because fluffiness wants to win._

_- 25__th__ reviewer gets a free one-shot with a prompt of their choice – (mostly because I've always wanted to do that)_

_(and also I like reviews and this gets me some)_

_(hopefully)_


	11. Apologies and Technical Difficulties

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Kouji shrieked in an earsplitting screech at her unassuming desk, eyes narrowed to fiery orange slits. "I *hatehatehateHATE* technology!"

"What is it now?" Nina moaned, glaring at the poor author. Said author looked up, looking depressed. This was a rather disturbing sight: black eyes with orange pupils look downright wrong when filling with tears. Still, the entire cast of characters lounging in her living room and adjoining dining room added a great deal to the oddity of the picture.

Steve Rogers, buff and gorgeous as always, reading the newspaper at the kitchen table with a mug of steaming black coffee in his hand. Loki, in the living room, looking rather impressive with his feet propped up on an unconscious Thor (who, even out cold, was wearing a facesplitting grin, happy as he was to see his brother). Jane hovered worridly next to him. Bruce was ignoring everybody in favor of a rather large book. Kouji was pretty sure it was her 'Return of the King', but who knew. Tony on the sofa, beer in hand, taking up all three cushions, and Nina next to him in a loveseat, coke in hers. Darcy had climbed to the backrest of the couch and was comfortably perched (Kouji wondered briefly if it was Clint's influence).

And sitting at an utterly random and entirely out of place writing desk was Kouji, her hair a static-y navy blue mess that needed redyeing badly, utterly boring tee and jeans, huge hiking boots, and black eyes flaming with orange fire as she (almost literally) burned a hole in her phone (she was being careful to not actually destroy the thing).

"It isn't my fault this time! I swear!" she cried desperately.

"And whose is it, exactly?" Loki drawled. "I have finally gotten a part in this ridiculous charade that does not insult me completely, and you have not updated in weeks!" he finished dramatically.

"I have to know what happens to Nina!" Tony exclaimed, clutching the annoyed teen to him. "My poor Ninakins, locked alone with a psychopath..."

"Better than being locked up with *you*," she scowled, struggling out of his grasp and into safe territory behind Bruce, who steadily continued with his ignoring.

"I dunno, I don't think I mind..." Darcy said thoughtfully. She raised an eyebrow at the incredulous crowd. "Hey, the real world is cool!"

"It's exactly like ours," Tony said flatly. "Minus superheroes, villains, aliens, SHIELD, StarkIndustries... basically, anything interesting."

"And thus came fanfiction," Kouji sighed.

"And canon characters everywhere screamed in despair," Bruce said dryly without looking up.

"I'm hunnnngrryyyy," moaned Nina, already bored of the conversation. "When're the others coming baaack? Why couldn't I give with themmmm?"

"Because Natasha and Pepper are both smart and discreet," Steve called from the kitchen. "And getting enough good for all of us is rather difficult."

"And Hawkass?" Tony wondered.

"...should not be out of Natasha's sight," Jane said firmly.

"*Amen*," muttered Darcy.

"The issue is being avoided, Nishikikouji," interrupted Loki. "Why haven't you updated?"

"I don't have writers block, I'm not being lazy, it's just that my laptop is dead. Gone. Out of commission. Unfxable, and I have no idea if and when I'm getting a new one..." Kouji sighed, slumping in her chair. "I had even started a requested one-shot of Rocks!"

"You can obviously still write, because you're doing it now on your phone," Jane pointed out.

"Well, yeah... but autocorrect's a bitch - I'm too scared to proofread this and see all the mistakes - and it's a pain to type up on this tiny keyboard. Especially since I had stuff already done stuck on my old 'top. I'm not even sure this'll upload..."

"Your readers are gonna hate you," Nina said firmly.

Loki chuckled. "They've probably given up on you. It isn't exactly star quality material, you know."

"I hate you all," Kouji moaned. "Except Steve. He's too fluffy." She grinned and glomped him. Steve looked mildly confused.

"I'm what now - you know what, never mind."

"Listen, people, valued readers and reviewers who I love immensely..." Kouji said, turning to you (still glomping Steve). "I am so sorry for the wait, and I promise I'll get everything written and up as soon as I can... I'm just facing a lot of technical difficulties, as well as some school issues (why homework, why must you torture me so?) so it may be a while. To the three or so of you who actually care, I'm sorry. I promise I'll keep writing on my phone, it'll just take longer and probably have a few mistakes here and there. THANK you all SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING I LOVE YOU ALL YOU DARLINGS

...

Now I have to go figure out how to post this from a phone."

*fade to black*

*Darcy's voice is heard*

*fade back to grey*

*"-ou forgot the disclaimer, dumbass!"*

*"I DO NOT OWN MARVELLLLLLL~~~~~~"*

*Kouji's voice fades with the screen*


End file.
